“The Enterprise computer system is controlled by three primary main processing cores cross linked with a redundant melacortz ramistat and fourteen kiloquad interface modules. The core elements are based on FTL  nanoprocessor units arranged into twenty-five bilateral kelilactirals with twenty of those units being slaved to the central heisenfram terminal…. Now this is the isopalavial interface which controls the main firomactal drive unit… The ramistat kiloquad capacity is a function of the square root of the intermix ratio times  the sum  of the plasma injector quotient…”

– Cmdr. Riker

Mrs. Ari: I asked for one hour out of the day for his undivided attention and I can’t even have that.

Ari: You can have it if you want to live in Agoura fucking Hills, and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, and you want a country club membership, and you want nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I’m gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday.

Idea blantantly stolen from Elias Vict:

Soylent Green
In the future, the teeming masses live in crowded, filthy squalor – but with swanky 70’s hair!

Amazingly enough this movie is still fun to watch even 30+ years later. Compared to the typical modern sci-fi flick, the pacing is a bit slow and the acting a bit hammy, but there is a lot of depth hidden in the background. The best part of this movie is that food is a central character – lettuce, tomatoes, and beef are rare, coveted items in a world where people live on wafers of “Soylent Red”. My guess – this thing will be remade at some point.

A History of Violence
Mild mannered Viggo Mortensen is not just a family man, he’s a made man!

This is a David Cronenberg movie, but it’s not nearly as weird as what you’d expect from the guy who did Dead Ringers. I liked this movie – it’s a very straightforward examination of the terrible things people do to each other – but most netflix and IMDB reviewers hated it. It’s not for the squeamish, that’s for sure.

In heavy rotation right now:
– Postmortem – Slayer
– A Song for the Dead – QOTSA
– Polly Wanna Crack Rock – Desert Sessions
– Punk Rock Caveman in a Prehistoric Age – Desert Sessions
– Aggressive Perfector – Slayer
– Big Pimpin’ – Jay-Z featuring UGK
– Hispanic Impressions – QOTSA
– Mongoose – Fu Manchu

This one is a long time coming.

I’m a news whore. I need news, constantly. CNN, New York Times, NPR, BBC. Local, National, Global, I’m all over it.

In the morning, I have 25-35 minutes to get my NPR fix. NPR is mostly good radio – lotsa news, somewhat liberal, but not too much so (unlike the Beeb).

Over the past few months I have begun to break into cursing fits at NPR., usually with a resultant change in the dial to Howard Stern. Why, you ask? How about a bulleted list?!

* Traffic Report Sucks
NPR’s traffic report is apparently farmed out. There is no rhyme or reason to their reports. They do the traffic whenever they damn well feel like it, typically 15 minutes past the time when I’ve become hopelessly entrenched in traffic. The worst part is, they tend to do southbound freeways in one report, then northbound in another, so you are screwed either way.

* Poetry, Arab Women Singers, Retrospectives on Aretha Franklin
Apparently some people actually enjoy hearing a shreiking broad sing in Arabic at 6:45 AM. I’m not one of them. Does anyone actually care about poetry to the point in which they want to hear it on the radio? If so, please come forward so I can kill you.

* Intellectual Analyses of Art by Pompous College Professors.
I grew up in the Northeast, so I know all about these guys and their big words. Hearing Gloria Penner kiss ass on a guy who’s never set foot outside a college classroom should be grounds for immediate litigation.

* Gabriel Wisdom and the San Diego Business Report
Not only does Gabe repeat the same damn news SEVERAL DAYS IN A ROW, he also gets endless plugs for his own company while simultaneously having the on-air persona of a Pompous College Professor. NEWS FLASH – HE’S READING IT STRAIGHT OUTTA THE WALL STREET JOURNAL!

* Dirk Sutro and the Lounge
Now, I know someone who works on this show, and several of my friends have appeared on it, but dammit, Dirk needs a punch in the teeth.

My wife and I don’t have HBO, so we watch the shows on DVD. This lets you get the compressed version of 5 seasons in just a few days.

We ran through the Sopranos in a few weeks, then moved on to Sex and the City. Right now we’re midway through season 4 and things are going south.

S&TC was great early on – chicks getting laid and running around in their underwears, talking about dick. Halfway through season 3, things got serious, people got married, pregnant, whatever.

Slowly, as things progressed, I found myself repeatedly screaming at the TV, saying: “I hate this bitch!”.

The problem is Sarah Jessica Parker’s character, Carrie Bradshaw. I hate her.

I’m not going to explain why, as it would make me seem more pathetic than I am, but suffice it to say that watching a 35-year old woman act like a 15-year old makes me wanna puke.

Do you think Tyler Florence does the horizontal mambo with any of the
women he “rescues”?

I don’t even know what he’s cooking. I can’t stop pondering the
boinkage factor.
Sam

Tyler Florence & the Women of Food 911